Wanna read an excerpt from the book I am writing? No? Too bad. You’re already here and it’s too late to leave.
The biting wind on the smallest moon of Sassafron-8 made Jeff momentarily regret his buying decision. As he looked across the frozen lake where he sat, and at the blighted blue-grey landscape beyond, his mood did not improve. That is, until he felt a tug on his line, accompanied with the surge of adrenaline that always comes with trans-dimensional ice fishing. “Sange!” he yelled, “get over here! I think I got one!”
It is a little known fact that there are only 3.5 places throughout the galaxy suitable for trans-dimensional ice fishing, due to how rare it is for trans-dimensional worm holes to be located inside planets. You should know that trans-dimensional ice fishing is a truly riveting sport wherein the “wrangler,” as the participant is referred, attempts to dip his carbon-reinforced plutoniate fishing line through the planet’s worm hole, and pull back lesser beings from other dimensions. Largely hailed as cruel and unnecessary, the sport remains strong due to the 1.4832 ED TDIF finals, where master wrangler Yoln brought back a being simply referred to as “.” who ended up succeeding him as the master wrangler the following year. When questioned about his rise to fame immediately after winning, “.” simply let out a loud blerch, presumably due to his mouth being so mangled from when he was yanked out of his home world the year prior.
“Reel ‘er in for me Sange,” Jeff said as he prepared to engage in his favorite pastime: watching Sange do all the work while he took a much-needed break. [….from the grueling activity of ice fishing.] Sange rushed over and began to wrestle with whatever innocent being was on the other end of the line of his XT-5000 hyperpole. “Yeah, just like that. Reel ‘er in somethin’ fierce,” Jeff says between cigar puffs in the fake Southern accent he uses whenever he goes trans-dimensional ice fishing. “Almost….. There….” gasps Sange as he strains and grunts.
Minutes later, with Sange’s throbbing forehead vein threatening to ruin everybody’s day, he manages to wrangle to trans-dimensional being up to the surface with one last great heave.