Where My Head/Life is At Right Now
Today marks one year from the day I first landed in France on a one-way ticket to embark on the journey of a lifetime. And isn’t it fitting that the very things I was working on then — self love, codependency, and never feeling “good enough,” to name a few — are once more at the forefront of my “emotional radar” of stuff to work on.
It’s been a while since I last posted anything, and to be frank, it’s been a while since I last felt I had anything valuable to say. Some of that comes from making a decision to be more reserved about sharing intimate details about my personal life, but most of it comes from not feeling like I was really learning anything new, due to being in a good place emotionally and, without noticing, slacking off on the ongoing “spiritual work” in my life.
Not writing, not meditating, not getting to the mat, eating poorly… it’s so easy to become apathetic when we’re feeling good, and not notice ourselves gradually sinking until our whole head’s underwater. That’s more or less what’s happened with me over the past 6 months: a gradual losing sight of the things I did to get myself to a healthy, secure emotional state in the first place. Life ebbs and flows, and it’s easy for anyone to lose touch with themselves when they meet someone amazing who absolutely blows them away. It’s natural and I’m not kicking myself for it, because falling in love is a beautiful thing. But with it comes the responsibility to stay in love with yourself, I think.
So anyway, that’s where I’m at. Let’s move on to today’s musing.
It’s so easy to become apathetic when we’re feeling good, and not notice ourselves gradually sinking until our whole head’s underwater.
The Actual Content
The topic is simple: a reflection on how none of life’s solutions ever come from outside of ourselves. It’s so easy to fall into that trap of “things will be better when…” or “I’ll be ready to move on if…” or “I’ll finally feel like I’m good enough if I…” but it’s not true. It never is.
And today’s post is just as much a reminder for me as it is for you. That’s where the one-year anniversary of my travels has really hit home for me. It seems like we’re a bit culturally conditioned to see trips like mine as a means for us to go out and find ourselves — to the point that it’s a bit of a cliche.
But at the end of the day, the very most anything in life can ever be is an impetus for you to look within — a means for you to consciously allow yourself to let your babbling monkey brain scamper off to the corner of the room for a few minutes and enjoy a banana while you’re briefly present with yourself and your life in this exact moment.
So what are the stories you’ve been telling yourself? What pain are you avoiding or numbing right now because you’re not ready to face it head-on yet? What patterns are you subconsciously acting out that don’t create the outcomes you like? The power is always and only in the present moment. That’s all we ever have.
I’m not saying there aren’t different things we can do to provide further enrichment in our lives — be it spiritually, professionally, emotionally, or whatever. And I assure you, the irony is not lost on me that I’m writing about how nothing — including world travel — is a cure-all, while simultaneously having learned so many things as a direct or indirect result of my world-traveling.
I’m just reflecting on the means for growth, healing, and happiness that comes from connecting in the present moment with that ubiquitous, insanely transformative energy that’s constantly inside all of us, if only we shed our heavy baggage and actually take a look: God, life, love, our collective souls, whatever you want to call it. Connection with that energy — with life’s true wonder and beauty, and your own unique, perfect role in it, exactly where you’re at right this moment — that’s where the change comes from. That’s where the solutions come from. I’ve had so many times where I felt deeply panicked, unsettled, and wanting to escape my current situation. But every single time, I was looking for an external solution to an internal problem. And internal problems can only be solved from within.
There’s a quote by Louise Hay that I can’t really remember, and also can’t find, that I really like.
Constantly looking ahead to the future, to solve problems in the present, which were caused by thoughts and decisions made in the past, is not beneficial or healthy. The power is always in the present moment.
So I am personally going to take a few minutes to ponder what future situations I’ve been looking at to solve my problems, and release that attachment to them.